I don’t like the title because it sounds ridiculous. It sounds like spam.

This post is not about how you can achieve fame, fortune and fans in 10 easy steps. It’s about me. It’s about what I’m doing, how I’m doing it and all the mistakes I’m making. Hopefully it will also be about the triumphs and joys.

● It’s a weird feeling to be writing what’s in my head.
The feeling is like breaking up. You know when you have to tell it how it is and how it is just doesn’t come out right? It’s uncomfortable to be honest because where you are during a breakup is not where you wanted to be when you started the relationship. Where you wanted to be was so fucking beautiful. Where you are now, sucks.

That’s where I am

Sucking is a big part of being a rockstar. There’s so much suck in it. I’m talking about the disappointments. The expectations are huge. On both sides of the fence. I have huge expectations about you. You have huge expectations about me. It gets messy. We fail each other. Often. Just like love.

Being a rockstar is a lot like love. Or a drug. Sometimes, it feels just like heaven. Sometimes, it’s just like a highway to hell. You can’t buy into it. You either live it or you don’t. You don’t need the label, recognition, money or entourage to validate the disease.

But what do I know! Let me share a secret with you. Can you keep it between us?
I don’t know if things are real (or true) unless I’m paid. Cash, compliments, or likes - it’s all the same. It’s confirmation.

That sucks! Because that feels like there is no truth or realness to me.
There’s just you and I can’t be without you.